Thursday, December 27, 2007

Farewell My Love

So Tammy is gone. She passed away yesterday, December 26th, shortly before 10:00 a.m.

And I don't get it.

On the 24th mom and I picked her up at the nursing home and went to her grandpa Stan's for Christmas dinner with her family, I had her home overnight that night, opened presents with her on Christmas morning, watched two of her favorite movies, then went to mom's for another Christmas dinner. She had such a great time, we all did, and everything seemed so normal as I tucked her into bed at the nursing home that evening. Then yesterday, just 12 hours after I tucked her in and we'd both said 'I love you'; my phone rang me awake, I checked my voicemail, and learned that she was gone.

And I don't get it.

I'm so happy she enjoyed her last days with us; I've always said "Tam lived for Christmas", but I certainly never meant that literally. Tonight I look around and see all the 'leftovers'; the syringe and cups in the drainboard from her meds, the tube feed kit in the garbage, leftover tomato soup in the fridge that I was feeding her just the day before, and the wheelchair tracks on the carpet. I just can't comprehend how she could be here, and fine, and then gone just like that; and I can never say "goodbye", "you're cute", or "I love you" to her ever again. It's really the perfect way that this could have ended, and yet it's just so damned hard to be happy right now. 24 hours ago she was alive, loved, content; and now... yeah.

I love you Mrs. Tammy Jane Campbell, from the first day I set eyes on you to the last moment I said goodbye, and forever more. Sleep well pretty girl, sleep well.

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